I've spent the last two months wrapped up in some self-evaluation. It all started from a deep feeling of dissatisfaction that I couldn't quite put my finger on. I've finally discovered that the unhappiness is coming from my desire to maintain control (which of course is just an illusion) over my family and the kids education, coupled with a desire to explore my own interests. Thus begins another evolution of our homeschooling experience.
I've noticed as two years have passed, things have slowly changed around our house. When the kids were first pulled out of school we had a strict curriculum that we followed daily. As time went on I noticed that the curriculum wasn't enough. The kids either plowed through the material quickly, weren't interested, desired more than the curriculum had to give, or were sick of doing the same things. So I slowly began to steer away from the curriculum in order to continue to foster their desire to learn. I began to give them control over how they spent their days, but required certain things to be finished at the end of the week. This seemed to help for a bit.
Eventually, before I even realized it myself, the kids were showing me signs that even this plan was not enough and I was still controlling all the information and learning. Then we started exploring topics of their own interest. I began to set up lego mindstorm challenges, hosted a chemistry jeopardy game, encouraged them to build Rube Goldbergs again, and began reading everything I could get my hands on about learning styles and child led education.
Two weeks ago, in an effort to encourage their own exploration, I moved all of our school supplies into Zoë's old bedroom. They happily helped me carry everything up from the basement, and helped organize the room. They even made a sign for the door and named the room the "Explore Room." Within minutes they were diving into everything. It was absolutely amazing to watch this unfold! Their excitement was contagious.
Since then I have said nothing to them about schoolwork or provided them any ideas of things to do. Instead, I have sat happily with them in the Explore Room doing my own reading and research. Anytime they have a question or want to play a game, I put my things aside and help them. I have been silently watching their ideas unfold, and wow what ideas they have!
They have made all kinds of animal masks using paper plates complete with short plays with their new cast. They started studying American history, used the invention kit to design their own car and spring, learned about the human body by dissecting their human model, learned about the fifty states by playing the scrambled states game, spun the globe and started researching the country that their fingers landed upon, and read countless books. All of this in only a week during which time both of them have been sick and running a fever. Never once did I make any suggestions. I have only encouraged them each step of the way. I was feeling great! This is what learning should be like!
That was until yesterday when control reared its ugly head again. Aiden decided he wanted to teach the dog how to play dead. Instead of letting him figure it out, I got online, printed out instructions and found videos for him to watch. I should have known from his lack of interest in watching the videos or reading the instructions that he didn't want my help. Instead I ignored the signs and continued offering my thoughts on his process. I was so caught up in "helping" him that it wasn't until too late that I realized what I was doing. Finally after about 20 minutes of me butting in he shouts "this is just too frustrating, he's not making any progress and I can't do this." I watched him go from an enthusiastic child with a brilliant idea, to a deflated, unhappy shell. My desire to control what and how he was teaching the dog created this and I couldn't take it back.
I debated what to do now. Finally, after a talk with Tom I decided to apologize to him for impeding his progress and let it go. So while we all ate dinner together, I told him I was sorry for butting into his idea, and would be trying very hard from now on not to do that again. He seemed pleased that I noticed and apologized for my behavior. I can only hope that he'll go back to his idea of training the dog new tricks again.
When we originally started homeschooling I was worried that I couldn't teach them everything they needed to know. Now two years later what I'm really learning is how to get out of their way and let them teach me! There's no such thing as knowing everything. What is most important is continuing to foster their natural desire to learn about the world around them on their own terms, thus enabling them to learn how succeed on their own.
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