A Time for Growth

This has been a difficult week filled with lots of lessons and possibilities for growth. Aiden has experienced disappointment, joy, consequences and rewards all in a few days. Tom says we might look back on this week as a real turning point for our family. I certainly hope he is right.

For some time now we have been aware that Aiden has a lack of impulse control and tends to rush through things that he views as easy without giving any effort. This could not have been more clear than at Tae Kwon Do testing this weekend. About half of the time he was trying his hardest, the other half he was barely even moving. After talking with his instructors we found out that his effort at testing was much greater than it has been in class. So we had a long talk with him and decided that he would have to pay for 50% of his next testing since he's only giving 50% effort. Since that discussion he has worked very hard in class and has improved drastically.

This week has been a running dialog about how he wants other people to view him and how his actions can distort those views. He has researched impulse control and developed his own exercise to teach himself to improve in this area. I was very impressed with the exercise, and it seems to be helping so far. What most impressed me most was his ability to use the research to develop something that would be effective for him, and then try so hard to make it work.

This morning I stumbled on the idea of how to relate all of these things to something he is passionate about. I asked him how he wanted other people to think when he posted a new game on game star mechanic. Did he want people to be excited to see his name attached to a game? Would he want them to find it challenging, and feel like he had worked hard to create it? Also, did he just make easy games since he has already learned how to make them, or did he prefer to keep challenging himself with something that he already knows but could improve? This last question seemed to hit home for him. I hope that I was able to help him move past his idea of "if it's easy it's not worth trying," and allow him to see how his behaviors might give an impression to other's that he does not want them to have.

By no means do I think all the problems are solved, but it does feel like we're headed down the right path now. It's interesting to me how when I give up the control and make him accountable for his actions, changes happen much easier. Of course logic tells you that's true, but it isn't until you actually analyze how you are still controlling things that you're able to let go and let them grow WITH you, not FOR you.